Disclaimer: Although I have strong convictions about what God wants for my life, and my husband and I are in agreement as to how that looks in our home, in our family, I have no authority to tell you how to live your life. I do encourage you to look in scripture with your spouse, and seek God’s will in your life. But that does not mean I think you need to do things EXACTLY as I do, or that I am some awesome amazing lady who does everything right. I am just a blogger who needs God’s grace desperately, and his peace. Please take my words as just that, words. This article is meant as an encouragement, not a condemnation of you. Only God knows your life, your heart, your intentions. I’m just expressing how he is working in this area of my own life.
If you have any questions about the article, or disagree with what I’ve written here, I welcome your comments.
I have been feeling a bit discouraged lately. Feeling that, although I know what scripture says about my role as a woman, a wife, a mother,and that I agree wholeheartedly with it. I just have the nagging feeling, a feeling of frustration and disappointment that there are people in my life who find my calling as wife and mother to be of little value. I feel as if in choosing to make my role in our home my first priority, in my case, being a full time stay at home, homeschool teacher/Mom, some may think I waste my own human potential. Like there is something better that other folks think I could/should be doing.
As if, not only strangers, but people whose disappointment I feel palpably, are offended by my rejection of modern womanhood, and the principles it stands for. My life speaks loudly for an ideal that many people view as narrow, old fashioned, a prison for women. Or as Betty Friedan put it: “A comfortable concentration camp” of family life, where my purpose is to be a “parasite.”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss my career, or my schooling, I don’t want to go back to that world of leaving my family behind for personal fulfillment, and selfish ambition. I know that I can still be creative, aspire learn more, do more, and all while making my own home my number one priority. My occupation is to keep my home, love my husband, love my children, be the driving force in our family life. The hub of our home. The Proverbs 31 woman who is a wife, a mom, a business woman, an artist, a compassionate philanthropist, a source of strength and wisdom. A woman whose worth is far more than rubies.
But I do sometimes regret and feel sad that I have lost the respect of people in my life whose opinion I once valued highly. People who value an ideal of womanhood that I have ultimately rejected, in my words and actions. I wish they could be happy for me, or approve of me. I’d even settle for a healthy sense of respect.
No matter what they say about how feel, actions seem to speak louder than words. I know the ignominy of going to a gathering and having nothing “interesting” or “worthwhile” to say. Of sitting alone in the corner with my lineup of kids, cutting hotdogs and tossing out little reminders like:
“Keep your skirt down, nobody wants to see your underpants.”
“Sisters don’t like it when you pick your nose and wipe it on them.”
“Please don’t fling your ketchup. It is for eating.”
I have nothing of urgency or excitement to report. No bigwig meetings, no career accomplishments, no amazing trips, no promotion to brag about. My only accomplishment in the public eye is wiping noses and popping out babies. The most exciting promotion I receive is another baby, or a new grade level accomplished, or even more exciting, a lightbulb moment where a child *sees* the truth in scripture, and matures visibly as a result. And while I DO see these as promotions, and I cherish each one, I feel a sense of disappointment that no one else seems to see these triumphs as much more than ordinary life, as if the sheer number of these happenstances make them less precious, or meaningful. They are the stuff of eternal investment. There is nothing more lasting I can do, than to shepherd and guide little souls to a saving faith in Christ, and a life devoted to God’s glory.
So how do I handle this? I write a blog post mostly. Haha!
Well, really, I look in scripture, and my most recent disappointing moments, and subsequent scripture digging led me to writing this post. I wanted to encourage other moms who KNOW the emptiness of “something more” but feel the absence of “something more” if not in themselves, but in their family and friends.
I wanted to encourage you not to give up on Biblical Womanhood because of discouraging outside pressure. Scripture has a lot to say on what our roles as men and women should look like, and it is complete, it is sufficient. Ladies, there is nothing more important than the charge God has given us in our families. Proverbs 31 alone details the value in what we do, the creativity, ingenuity, and patience it takes to be what he expects of us, and God does provide for encouragement, and support, in Titus 2, when he talks about mentorship. So how do we deal with those moments when we feel the red hot gazes of someone who disapproves, or hear the disappointment in another woman’s voice when she hears “where we are now.” Or worse, a casual dismissal of our task.
Firstly, our worth isn’t in impressing other people, no matter how we love them, or crave their approval. The only approval that matters, is God’s.
Here, watch this:
So there you have it. God values us, loves us, sanctifies us, and refines us. It isn’t what people say that matters. What matters is our eternal perspective. Who do we want to emulate, be like? Where is our worth, our value? Is it in “human potential”? As I’ve heard often, humans have potential only to sin. Paul reminds us in Romans: “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Our human potential means nothing without the work of the holy spirit to regenerate our hearts to conform to what is “that good and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:1-4) Our human potential, our own selfish pursuits will help no one. But laying down our life, sacrificing our own purpose to fulfill God’s will to love and teach our children, to serve our husband as laid out in Duet 6, Titus 2, Genesis 2, etc. That is something worthwhile, an eternal investment.
We don’t know what God will bring about from that act of submission, not only to our husbands, but to God most of all. We need to stand firm in our conviction, and run right back to what matters. We need to act in the interest of God’s glory, not personal gratification. Who knows how a commitment to God’s purpose will play out eventually?