Sometimes we struggle because we have this inability to lift ourselves out of the pit we fall into. Specific situations, relationships, issues, they drag us down, and there is no way out. And I can read scripture all I want, seek a solution all I want to whatever ails me, but in the end, nothing is of value when I do it by myself.
In this age of personal empowerment, that sounds like a terrible statement.
To say I suffer from low self esteem is an understatement. I have no self esteem, nor should I. Scripture says we ought to “Esteem others more than self.” I can try all I want to affirm, achieve, encourage myself, and it all means nothing. We get back to an emptiness. And I realize, am I relying on myself to trigger the regenerate man? I have spoken so often of allowing the Holy Spirit to work in others because I can not do in them what he would, and can do. And here I forget, he has to work in me. Trying to get ahead of him by being what I ought to be, so that a regenerate heart can follow is doing no good. Works do not precede faith.
Time to get on my knees. Say I’m sorry. Confess my failures, my shortcomings, and rather than working all the harder to overcome them on my own, to turn them over to him and let him do the work in my heart. Even the most disciplined crack sometimes, because when we try to do these things ourselves, we are still only human.
And I am NOT the most disciplined. Ha. Rather, I look around and evidence of my failures looms large and mocking.
The crux of the matter. Who will I listen to? My incomplete ambition (Be like Christ.) which has all of the go, but none of the ‘get up.’ Or shall I listen to the opposite of my ambition? My defeating disappointment, (You aren’t like Christ, you can’t ever be like Christ, no matter how hard you work at it…) which has all of the knowledge of depravity, and what that means.
But there is a third option. To listen to God’s plan for man. Read Hebrews 11. God is able to work DESPITE our shortcomings, and to shatter our pride. “Not I, but Christ IN ME.”