Tonight was more of a joyful night, and yet a little heartbreak occurred. Motherhood just isn’t Motherhood without a little heartbreak.
I was surprised by my husband showing up at work to sweep me off my feet (proverbially, I’m not that light…) and then carrying me off in his magnificent chariot (i.e. his rusted purple diesel Volkswagen Rabbit) to pick up our three princesses. (No lie there, they really are princesses!)
After our quick (read; frenetic) pick up of the children, we spontaneously chose to visit the park, just to make today special, cause we felt like it. As we arrived, and Sarah got out of the car, she said, “HEY! I’ve been here before! This is the park we saw Uncle Dennis at! I love my Uncle Dennis! He looked like Papa Wheelie! He was so fun and nice to me! I wish I could see him again, so we could talk. I liked talking to him!”
At this point, Allen and I looked at each other, and then reminded her that Uncle Dennis is now in heaven. How happy we are for him, and how much we love him. She replied with a sigh, and then ran off to play.
We had such a wonderful time, playing, and chasing, and talking, and swinging, and climbing. It was a great afternoon, and a precious bit of family time we don’t get so much of during these busy days.
After we were done at the park, we got home, and I popped inside to make supper. The girls stayed in the backyard with Allen. At one point, I went outside to find Emma nude, wearing my high heels, and drawing with sidewalk chalk. I rounded the corner to inform Allen of this development, only to find him perched in a lawn chair, directly in the center of our vegetable garden, atop the rows, holding a content Ava, doing his facebook/farmville on his Mac laptop. I took a picture of this hilarious sight, only to have him extract a promise not to post it. So, I merely paint a picture with words…
Supper was ready, and so everyone came in to enjoy the Salisbury steak, buttered noodles, gravy, and corn. Sarah reminded us that we forgot to pray, and so I invited her to pray over supper. This was the whopper of a prayer she composed:
“Dear God, Thank you for the dinner Mommy made, and can tomorrow be a Grandmom day? I love going to her house! I want to go to Grandmom’s every day! Can you do that God? And sometimes God, she makes me nap. Can that stop? I don’t like napping…”
Allen and I enjoyed a grown up chuckle over this very entertaining conversation with God. Sarah interrupted our little moment with a question:
“Mom, can God bring people back from heaven?”
“Yes Sarah, he can, but often he doesn’t. Why?”
“I wish Uncle Dennis could come back from heaven. I miss him. I really liked him. Why can’t God just send him back?”
Wow. How do I answer a question like that? She is so young, and yet she’s experienced death in such a personal way, several times. How can I answer a question we all ask secretly, and sometimes publicly? Another look was exchanged, I said a little prayer and dived right in. At this point, she was pushing the noodles around her plate aimlessly, chin in her hand, looking sad.
“Well Sarah, Uncle Dennis was such a great man, and God loves him so much, that he needs him up there. Uncle Dennis has served God well, and loved Jesus, and they are happy to be in heaven together.”
“Oh. Ok, I still wish he could come back.”
“I know. We all do. But God needs him more.”
And there it is. Motherhood is joy, but it is also heartbreak.