As I’ve been reading a few blogs and news articles recently, a few have struck me dead on as a dangerous reminder of how self centered some in our society have become, and how duped the rest of us have become in applauding them for “finding freedom” in making their own choices, and being “courageous” enough to share.
Let me start off by saying, that in the two cases I am about to discuss, this is a large load of steaming cow dung.
First, the courageous woman who makes her own form of motherhood: Rahna Reiko Rizzuto. I am at a loss as to the “courage” of choosing to leave your young children, because motherhood just isn’t for you.
Secondly, the woman who loves her son more. I don’t understand how anyone can think like this, or why posting this train of thought “takes guts” as some commenters said.
Overall, I am personally in shock and awe of this new phenomenon, selfish parenting. I am a parent, and not a (cliche alert) perfect one at that, but who is? I believe in Parenting By The Book, and Free range parenting. I believe that children should learn with the goal being independent, and achieving successful adulthood, not dependence and extended childhood. I believe that parenting is not about self gratification, but about teaching, guiding, disciplining, and trusting your children to grow up, and become fulfilled adults. That takes sacrifice, be it sacrificing time, dignity, popularity, date night, or a clean house.
I also believe that parenting is, by nature, a selfless act. Nobody chooses to be a parent because they are lured in by the joys of potty training, or lusting after the fun of stomach viruses and two year olds. No one is exclaiming over the joys of diaper pail smells, or the wonders of never being able to pee in peace.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Everyone knows that.
It has its bountiful joys, beautiful smiles, baby giggles, ah-ha moments, and big hello hugs, proud-you’re-my-kid moments. But I believe it is an insult to those yearning to be parents all over, to those who have prematurely lost their chance at parenthood, to forge this “brave” new kind of parenting, this “honesty” and level of “confession” meant to “empower” parents. All it does is encourage selfishness, and excuse making. Parenting is nothing simple, nothing small, nothing easy. It is a glorious challenge, full of amazing adventures. I resent this “new kind of parenting” that diminishes the true joys and struggles of thoughtful, committed parenting.
I also believe that this “new kind of parenting” cuts our kids legs out from underneath them, and no matter if we are free rangers, or attachment believers, can’t we all agree on one thing? We want what is best for our kids, thats why we do what we do, despite the “I hate you Mom” moments, the slammed doors, the crumb filled kitchens and chocolate handprints on our laptop, and the peanut butter smears on the windows. We don’t do this because it makes us feel good (lets be honest moms, it does NOT make us feel good 24/7.) Parenting is not about feeling! It is about good hard work and elbow grease, because it is the right thing to do, and because no matter how Junior makes us feel, we love him ANYWAY!
I know I am thankful for the unconditional love and sacrifice my parents exhibited for me.