I’ve really been struggling with who I am recently. I think it goes back to becoming pregnant with Ava. Ever since that point, I’ve been constantly reevaluating my life. More than any other pregnancy, this one has changed me. Or maybe I’ve noticed it more? With Sarah, I grew up. 18 and pregnant made for a blast of adulthood. With Emma, I was a newlywed, and I had my first experience of having my own place with our first apartment. Allen and I had our first sniff of freedom that comes with adulthood. With Ava, I reevaluated my values, my goals, my status as a Mom. Is this a midlife crisis at 24? I’ve began a few things, going back to my roots for one. I find that God is more present in my life than ever, and faith is becoming a central pillar of every day. I’m finding that my family is priority number one, and that my job is just a paycheck anymore. Passion for everything I used to think was important has ebbed. I’m learning through my brush with marathon training that not everything has to be NOW. Planning and intention can change so much, so gradually. Life is not what it was a year ago, or 3 months ago, or even 7 days ago. I think I’m mellowing out. Slowing down. Changing my frenetic pace for a more gentle one. I’m not the hare anymore. I’ve become the tortoise.
Aside from that little bit of philosophical rambling…
I was really encouraged by Van’s vicious cycle of inspiration post today. I’m immensely thankful that Van and Abbe passed the running bug to me. It is so true, and I’ve entered the cycle. I’m loving it! So far this week, I’ve noticed my body is changing, and taking to the running. It was like I hit a wall, kept going and BOOM, like a horse out of the gate, I got it! I’ve been enjoying the benefits of exercise, and the joy of running. I feel lighter, more flexible, and allover great! (I’ve even lost a few inches… hubba hubba!) I love this feeling! It is worth any grueling run (and I’ve now logged approximately two of those.) I’ve even been running to and from work (thanks to a broken vehicle.) I’ve been enjoying this fully this week, pushing hard, and despite all of these feelings of goodness… I think I’ve been running ragged. So, thanks to the rain, I have a day of rest to snuggle my children, and nurse all of our colds with some delicious tea and toast.
Tomorrow… I’m back to pound that pavement! BOOYAH!