Started this morning off with a visit to my parents church. We came home, napped, and now we’re off to a birthday party for Lisha! Such an exciting day breeds an unexciting post! I will update after the party though if anything interesting happens!
Thoughts from the day:
It seemed like today’s mantra has been things will never go back the way they were. This morning, while getting dressed I noticed that I’ve lost weight, but not inches, stretch marks have compounded from all three pregnancies, and that my hips seem to get wider with each pregnancy, and my shoes a little tighter too.
At church I noted that the whole experience, though the people were the same, and the philosophy was similar, it wasn’t the same experience. As a parent I appreciated a different viewpoint, as an adult I had come back. It was like being the prodigal and going back home. I realized that although in some superficial points I disagree with my parents, music choices, style of dress, the way I converse, in the principles themselves, I have come to see their heart was in the right place. As parents, they wished to teach me the most important thing in their life, their faith in God, and tried to protect me from others who may attack that childish faith. As a parent the last thing you want to see ultimately is a loss of that beautiful innocence every child holds till everyone else disenchants them. I understood that today in a way I never did before.
I also noted that as a mother EVERYTHING has changed about my marriage. Our priorities, our goals, our ideals, they’ve changed with the advent of parenthood.
Today, I just feel that there is no going back on my life as it is, only moving forward, regrets are useless, and so is wishful thinking. I am what I am. A mother of three beautiful daughters, with wide hips, stretch marks, extra worry lines, and an unwillingness to see my children lose their childish faith. Not that I wish I could go back, well, except for one thing, I do still wish I looked like I did in high school!